The goddess complex

By Maynard De la Paz

Humankind throughout history has devised various methods and ideologies to help make sense of our existence. Philosophy, religion, politics… all have played roles in our development as a civilization. But the most sinister influence of all is an area of the human psyche called “the ego.” And this is where the delusion of comparing oneself to divinity comes from.

There have been many examples of this behavior throughout history — both recent and ancient. King Darius of Persia, and later his son Xerxes, built the Persian empire under the premise that they were both “gods in the flesh.” More recently, Emperor Hirohito, during World War II, gave rebirth to the ancient Shinto belief that the emperor was God. So, following his command was akin to following the word of God.

Bu this ego phenomenon does not just apply to those in positions of power. I work at a natural foods store (rhymes with “Old Dudes”) and I get to marvel at this spectacle almost daily among the general populace.

Allow me to describe the signs of what my friend Ryan coined “the goddess complex.” Besides the fact that she will come right out and call herself such, here’s how you can recognize the goddess among us:

1. Her 1991 Toyota Camry is littered with bumper stickers that say things like “goddess on the loose.” Really? Wouldn’t a goddess be riding a flaming chariot pulled by a winged serpent or something?
2. She reeks of essential oils.
3. She wears things that jingle around her feet. Kind of amusing but highly annoying after she’s been pacing the yogurt aisle for an hour.
4. She tells you that her ability to bear a child makes her divine. (Anyone who has ever heard the curses come out of my grandmother’s mouth will put that idea to rest.)
5. Often she is a yoga practitioner—but not the type that goes to class in yoga pants. Instead, she is the type that will spontaneously burst into a yoga pose anywhere, like in line at the bulk foods section when you are trying to get some pistachios.
6. She brews her own kombucha, and tells you that “blessed beings” helped her create it. (Actually, for the record, its yeast and gluconacetobacter.)
7. She is frequently accompanied by her consort, an emaciated and emasculated male who eats only seeds. Usually he lives in fear of doing something overly masculine that would anger her and draw the yogic wrath.
8. And my favorite of all… drumroll please!… the HAIRY ARMPITS.

My advice, let’s all get off our divine high horses before Freya or Kali show up and singe us all to ash!

About Maynard De la Paz

Maynard is a transplanted Southerner living at ground zero goddess central: Mill Valley, California. He is a guitarist, arnisador, champagne enthusiast and apprentice pit master with a flair for catching bass and a solid plan for the zombie invasion.